Ambivalence

I finally finished this commissioned piece, which should have been done a long time ago -- and not just because the couple had been trying to get me to do it for a couple of years.  The gentleman finally got my attention while I was doing the Paseo show, and expressed some urgency. 
   
I have an ambivalent relationship with commissions.  On the one hand, it's really nice to know that someone likes my work well enough to hire me to do it, and, of course,  the (almost) guaranteed sale is nice as well.  BUT, on the other hand, it's work that I have to do, and that one fact just gets into my head.
    I'm what I've heard called a "frustrated perfectionist," which the man-spouse thinks of as a procrastinator with an excuse.  Essentially it means that if I know I can't do something perfectly, I won't do it at all.  In the case of commissioned work, that translates to, if I can't get a significant amount of work done, or if I'm at all worried that my frame of mind or lack of sleep, etc., will screw it up somehow, I put off working on it till I can be sure of the results.  Which means delays.
    The other problem is that I get stressed out about details.  This is, after all, somebody's [insert subject matter here.]  They're going to notice if it's wrong.  So, I will spend hours trying to get the details right in that shadow around the front door, and I'm impressed with myself when I've completed a square inch.
    The third problem is just my weird schedule combined with my bad time management skills.  And you can pile not getting enough sleep on top of that. 

The problem with NOT working on commissions is that I don't work on anything else either.  Because I'm not getting that thing done that I have to do, I'm sort of punishing myself by not doing the things I want to do.  So nothing gets done.  Jeez I'm pathetic.

I finished the piece late this afternoon, and I sent a photo in the text to the client.  She was very happy, but I had to explain that I couldn't get it to her right away because a co-worker had called in sick, and I had to take a long nap before work.  She said that that was fine.  I'm glad she likes it.